LITTLE KNOWN QUOTES FROM THE BIBLE
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(censored from many editions)

Get back Eve, I don't know how big this thing gets.

You stupid bastard, If you'd have turned left after the Red Sea, we'd have
had the oil and the Arabs would have the oranges.

I'll need a bucket of water to swallow those tablets.

You mean with all those angels in heaven, God came down to Earth just to
put you in the club.

It's Christmas, I'm pregnant, you forgot to order a taxi, and now you tell
me we haven't got a hotel room.

You come here covered in sheep shit, with no presents, telling me that a
person dressed in white with wings sent you to come and see our new baby
and you expect me to believe you're not pissed.

Now let me get this straight, you want me to be King of the Jews and cut
the tip off my what?

No you're not going to turn water into wine.  Buy your own like anybody
else.

I don't care who you bloody are, no one walks on water while I'm fishing.

Haven't you got anything else, I hate fish sandwiches.

Hey Jesus, how do you fancy a few days in Jerusalem with the boys over the
Easter holiday?

Save me an Easter egg Peter, I'll be back in 3 days

If you drop that bloody cross once more, you're out of the procession.

Can you put your feet together please, we've only got one nail left.

Hey, Barabas!  This is one hell of a way to spend a Bank Holiday.